3 Ways Loneliness Transformed Me
For much of my life, I felt surrounded by people yet profoundly alone. There were moments when I craved connection, but no one seemed available or able to understand the depth of what I was experiencing. My journey into overcoming loneliness intensified when I became ill at 19 and started navigating the complexities of my health. There was an overwhelming sense of being different, of not fitting in, and the shame that accompanied it. But, through all of the loneliness, I gained transformation and came out stronger.
The Journey of Self-Discovery
My loneliness initially morphed into shame. I felt like a black sheep, a weirdo, someone who didn’t belong. Many people spend their lives avoiding solitude, afraid of what they might find in the silence. But when I finally embraced it, my life began to change. The shame of being different slowly lifted, and in its place came a deep sense of self-acceptance and transformation.
I talk a lot about root causes of health issues when I discuss health, and I do believe loneliness, isolation, and feelings of shame are root causes for many people's mental health and physical struggles. As humans, we are tribal and wired for connection—wired to feel understood, loved, and like we have a place where we fit in. For a long time, I attributed deep loneliness and my feelings of being a black sheep to many of my health struggles. And I still believe these emotional challenges were an important part of the puzzle.
The Difference Between Being Alone & Feeling Lonely
You can be surrounded by people and still feel isolated, or you can be physically alone and feel completely at peace. I’ve experienced both.
When I entered college, I didn’t fit into the typical social scene. While everyone else was partying, joining sororities, or living it up in frat life, I was walking a different path. I spent my Tuesday nights at Meditation Club and my early mornings reading spiritual texts before heading to the gym. It wasn’t the "normal" college experience, and at the time, I felt incredibly self-conscious about it.
Looking back now at 27, I wish I could tell my younger self, “you’re on the right path.” I regret not embracing my uniqueness sooner. I was so caught up in the fear of being labeled “weird” for loving structure, discipline, and a lifestyle that felt out of sync with the crowd. I felt ashamed for enjoying things like waking up at 5 a.m., reading, meditating, and avoiding alcohol. I constantly heard that little voice in my head: “You’re boring,” “You’re no fun,” or “You’re a buzzkill.”
But the truth is, I was nurturing the habits that would lead to my personal growth and self-discovery journey.
The Power of Routine & Discipline
I’ve come to love routine and discipline for the stability and predictability they provide. They bring me peace and safety. These practices encourage growth and allow us to build something meaningful over time. Yet, society often sees them as “cringey” or boring, especially when compared to the spontaneous thrill of partying or drinking. But I’ve learned not to apologize for the things that make me feel whole.
If this resonates with you—if you love discipline, routines, or being different in any way—I encourage you to embrace it wholeheartedly. My only regret is not owning this part of myself sooner. There’s nothing wrong with disliking the same things that others enjoy, and there’s nothing wrong with loving things that others find dull.
3 Truths I've Learned about how
Loneliness Transformed My Health
Through all of this, I’ve come to understand three important truths:
Authenticity grows from doing what feels true to you—regardless of what those around you are doing. Your path may look different from everyone else’s, but that’s what makes it uniquely yours.
Being physically alone forces you to confront yourself. Solitude strips away distractions and leaves you with nothing but your thoughts, your being, and your spirit. And it’s in those moments that true self-reflection and transformation emerge.
Don’t waste time trying to mold yourself to fit others’ expectations. Life is too short to be anything other than who you truly are. Embrace your differences, and let them lead your journey.
Loneliness can feel like an unbearable weight, but it also holds the potential for growth, clarity, and self-discovery. I’ve learned to embrace the parts of me that once felt like a burden. I now see that they are my strengths.
If you’re in the depths of loneliness, know that there’s hope and light on the other side. Solitude, when embraced, has the power to transform not just how you live—but who you become.